I always want to feel like part of this was mine

so this is the part where I am supposed to say that Boston is wonderful and this "adventure" has been amazing so far... right?

but really it has been hard and I keep waiting for it to be fun. moving is not fun. not being able to find anything anywhere is not fun. realizing that your new apartment has way less storage than you thought is not fun. having your new kindergartner placed in the worst/furthest school possible, is not fun. having three kids that have just had enough of the transition is not fun. and heartbreaking. I have found myself reevaluating every decision we've made to get here. and I may have cried a time or five.

but we are here. here in this history rich city. this beautiful state. and eventually I am going to have to buck up and make the most of it. so in an effort to do so, here is a list of things that are good so far.

-my friend Melissa, also on the HBS adventure-train.
-the vent from the laundry room that smells like dryer sheets every time I pass it on the outside of our building.
-the Target and Old Navy at the mall up the road.
-this unbelievable, gorgeous campus. I mean, seriously.
-Jeff having no job but us for two weeks.
-my colorful Ikea rug
-the Charles River
-and (cheese alert) the chance I have to grow, because when it comes to fight or flight, I am flight all the way. and this time I don't really have a choice.

let love grow ... this time no

guys. I am in it. I am in the middle of the final push of packing and it is exhausting. I hope we can get it all done. jk. but not. I may be flying out of here leaving Jeff with things unpacked. I would really hate to leave this house without closure. I want to say my proper goodbyes. get closure. I'm leaving, and I really don't know when I'll be back again.

and in true Stock fashion, we are taking a time out to see Dark Knight Rises. nothing like avoiding ever mounting responsibilities.

mud be hanged.

I edited this in just about no-time at all. not supah fancy, I'm just proud that I now know how.

our backyard is like a giant sponge at the moment. every step produces a satisfying squish of muddy water between the toes.  this did not stop us from getting some fresh air at twilight. spring! 

:: :: ::

I had a friend over today. I didn't clean too well before hand, and while she is kind enough not to care, I was actually quite ashamed of myself afterward. Her twin babies had to crawl on my floor which, in the full light of day, was actually pretty filthy. oops. I was so ashamed that I spent my friday night doing some pretty hot and heavy cleaning. now I need a do-over. hey sarah, next time my house will be sparklin'! you and your small fry deserve it. 

we need to talk.

i can't take a self-portrait without touching my face.

I have a confession. (I think I like the sun again.)

a few sunny days and I think I am ready to change my flirtation to a full-fledged relationship. I adore grey skies. they will always be my first love. but I am tired of all the laundry that comes with the layers, and how any time we step outside it takes fifteen minutes to find enough socks, shoes, jackets and mittens to guard us from the wet cold. I think I need to take a break from it all, explore the possibilities of this new relationship. I think it could be all sandals, and long weekends, and picnics. it would be good for the kids too, to see the outside world for a bit. 

I'm not saying it's for good. who knows what the future holds. and like I said, 


it's not you, it's me. 

whoosh

me and jeff spent the morning together. he took the day off and we had plans to go to the temple together. except that the temple was closed for maintenance. fail. so instead we walked around the grounds and shivered and talked for a while about how sad and hopeful life could be. it was sweet. neither of us was falling asleep or multi tasking so, score! I like touching base with this guy every once in a while. it's nice that we evolve, as people. it makes it easy to keep falling in love with him over and over. 

awkward, handsome. 

mad props to laura for being the second mom to my kids that she is and watching the girls today. when told they were going to  laura's, petra dreamily said "oh I just love sister allred..." and rilla nearly jumped out of my arms saying "roara!" ... I think they like it better over there than they do here. no wait, I know they do. they are certified to adopt, and really, my kids would volunteer for the job if I'd let em. if you know of any other applicants... let em know! 


(photo by kandk)

march 3rd

ashley, camping. kehl springs? 

it has been one year. one year since I lost one of the handful of people that knows where I come from, that shares my history. 


I love you, family. I love you, Ash.






"Families Can Be Together Forever"


I have a family here on earth.
They are so good to me. 
I want to spend my life with them 
through all eternity.


Families can be together forever
Through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family, 
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me I can. 


While I am in my early years,
I'll prepare most carefully,
So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.

Families can be together forever

Through Heavenly Father's plan.

I always want to be with my own family, 

And the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord has shown me I can. 

-Ruth M. Gardner.

shared history, a3

karl, ashley

my little brother and his "king-bone hat." a family story that gets told over and over.