I have a lot of fantasies.

there are a lot of things I miss while being pregnant. one of them is feeling like this*. 

it's hard to feel romantic when you're sick, then exhausted, then round, then short of breath, then prone to move in a fashion that can only be described as waddling. top it off with catching your reflection in the mirror and any attempt at flirtation or sweetness just becomes too comical to attempt. 

I miss sleeping comfortably. between waking up every 1-3 hours to use the restroom, and finding that I can't get up without a snap-crackle-pop of my back and the searing pain that comes with not moving from the one approved sleeping position for said 1-3 hours, nights are long. 

I miss holding petra on my lap. the poor child hits her head on my belly (she is just the wrong height) more than she gets properly cuddled. when she runs to me for a hug her poor face meets me before the rest of her. 

I worry that I am not going to remember a dag-nab thing about babies when this one is born. so many things to remember while caring for a newborn. then, of course, this time, I already have one to take care of. who knows how I will keep track of two separate routines, on sporadic sleep no less.

I am enjoying a perfectly legitimate excuse to take it easy and take care of my temporal needs. 

I am in mourning over the loss of being a twosome duo partnership with my first born, my daughter, my pita-pie. the last year we have spent so much time just the two of us, that I have grown quite fond of the little give and take we have developed. it is a time that will never happen again. 

I am anxious to meet and get to know this new person face to face. we have communicated here and there through touches and kicks and strokes and pushes, but it will be nice to put a face to the bond. 

I am thrilled at the prospect of a new personality development  for petra as she takes on the role of big sister, and oldest. A new aspect to add to her already multi-dimensional personality. 

I am looking forward to sleeping infant faces, tiny fists, dressing wriggling arms and legs, getting thrilled over finally released burps, milestones, warm swaddled bug-in-a-rugs, and all the air feeling new. 

I dream, literally, of running. I plan on taking my regained body and doing just that. 

I have been a rotating wheel of emotions and thoughts the last several months. The up ups and down downs make it hard to focus long enough on one subject to blog about. I am pregnant and uncomfortable, but relatively well compared to some. I am terrified to be a mother of two, and tickled to add another person to my family.  I have good days and bad days. I am sure no one knows what I am talking about, right? little one should be arriving in the next few weeks or so. however, my sanity's e.t.a is still t.b.d.

I also updated the family blog with pics, and even included a belly shot (just for you kays, because I know you love that sort of thing ) simply to show that I am, indeed, still here and pregnant. for the time being. 

*a kind thank you to the young stranger sweethearts we spied and intruded on to capture this picture. photo by jeff.