I really wish I knew how to make pictures bigger on here.
this just adds to the fact that I am decidedly uncool.
I couldn't sleep last night. I had the heebie-jeebies thanks to the spider that wouldn't die and his two giant buddies. it was just like the plot of a thriller. enemy discovered, (hanging from the ceiling in the dark hallway where i almost ran into him) at first you don't think you are in danger, then oh no! they are in pursuit of you. you struggle and then you lose sight of him. where'd he go? he's right behind you! the audience (in my head) screams. you fight back (spray raid) and then he's dead. whew. oh wait, where'd the body go? he's not dead and he's coming at you! more struggle! there, he must be dead now. he's not moving. (legs curled up and everything.) you feel a sense of relief until he summons up his strength and is suddenly sprinting on 8 cylinders (legs) right at you! again you go for the kill, smash, no chance of survival. but still, how can you be sure of anything anymore?
I went to throw away the paper towel I used and right in front of the trash can? a giant spider. bigger than the last one. great. then I was sitting on the couch, skin already crawling and out of the corner of my eye... another spider. BIGGER THEN THE SECOND SPIDER. I swear I killed the favorite son and they were all after me. For the record this was the 7 or 8th spider I had seen yesterday. my skin was crawling, hair on end, i couldn't stop scratching. I was shaken up. PTSD.
as I lay awake in my bed I tried to think of anything else. that's when I realized. I am truly uncool.
I have been seeing a lot of commercials for back to school. it made me miss it so much. the back to school clothes, the new pencils, pens, highlighters notebooks, the excitement of a new year, new classmates. I can distinctly remember the smell of the classrooms at Edison Elementary on the first day of school. The way the desks felt cool and smooth under my forearm, except for the edge where someone had scratched in a couple of notches with their pencil. In grade school I always felt smart. I was really good at swinging high and doing flips on the bars. I was very bad at tether ball, but that's okay, it was just a way to kill time until it was my turn on the bars. I long to feel confident in some simple skills again.
I also thought about high school. I know it's unrad to miss HS (go toros!) but boy, sometimes I do. I had a great HS experience. crushes, friends, journalism class with interesting people, seeing CJ Eager with his awesome hair at the sophomore lockers for the first time and thinking "HS is awesome," weekends out, outfits for weekends out, sweethearts, black nike's oldschool with white swishes, lunch!, heartbreak, my girls and our many, many dance parties, pink lace homecoming dresses with brock mason as my date, 5 minute locker breaks and walking all the way there just to say "hey." and maybe pass on a note. see? I am a total nerd. I could go on and on. it was just fun. I had a blast and sometimes I wax nostalgic and wish I could hang again. just for a bit. I'm like the townie who can never let go of the championship game, and still wears his letter jacket. sometimes I think about cross country or track practice and think... "wow, I had so much time where I was just allowed to try and get good at something I loved." if only I would have appreciated that on those long days of practice. if only I could have that now, when I know better what sacrifice really is. sometimes remembering HS chelsea gives me some motivation to sponsor an archeology dig and try to dust off some of her traits.
I also spend a lot of time worrying about the future and what could happen.
see? decidedly uncool. but at least it help me fall asleep eventually.
I am getting better at "living in the moment" as they say. and there is something to be said about being a mother and it's infinite rewards and my darling girls and my out of this world crazy awesome husband. maybe just a little something. I have just come to realize that I am lame, and maybe I am okay with that.
little sister chanel comes tonight and i can't wait.
she loves me, cool or not.
10 comments:
Cool Chelsea.
^ditto to myke's comment. you are so not lame or uncool. really.
(although i'd be lying if i said i couldn't relate. i feel like this all the time. and even though i sort of hated high school, i sometimes wish i could go back.)
I totally miss hs too. But the warrior version.
i don't know what's better, spiders or waking up to your bedroom door, which was shut tight when you fell asleep, opening by itself at 3 in the morning. Talk about heart attack. Sometimes I curse my imagination. I hope you sleep well tonight--spider free!
And have fun with your sis!
Your writing is as hip as it gets! Ex-teacher me would give you an A+ for the insightful, relatable & entertaining way you express yourself!
i like this post.
not the spider part... i hate spiders.
i have arachnophobia.
i think about high school, too. it's funny, insightful, embarrassing, entertaining but always nostalgic.
good read.
cool chelsea.
Spiders are disturbing. Especially when they are big enough to hear it when you kill them. I am getting grossed out thinking about it.
We had a couch once that was infested with spiders. We threw it out and sat on the floor for like a month.
Hi,
YA! (about going to Whidbey island), tell, chanel, petra, rilla, jeff, and yourself (,hee hee) hi from me, bye.
love ya,
sarah
i won't even tell you what happened at work today. i've always felt safe from spiders at anthro. not anymore. not. any. more.
if you're not cool, i don't know what cool is.
you're actually pretty cool.
I love you miss chelsea renee! I am not sure if anybody loved high school as much as the six of us girls...I think it is because we had no girlie drama just so so much fun! What I wouldn't give for one day with the selfish freedom and lack of responsability!! Ah thinking about it makes me giddy! love you girl
ps hate spiders so much I could die! thank you humidity for bringing more of them to us
Post a Comment