they say this day will never end

:: sunday afternoon ::




p-"i'm sad."


c-"why hon?"


p-"i just don't know when you and daddy are gonna died."


pause.  pause. 


c-"I don't know either honey."


j-"not for a long time."


c-"probably."


p-"but if you died, i won't have a family any more."


c-"petra. you will always have a family. you have rilla. and think of everyone in our family!" 


j and c name extensive family


p-"but who will take care of me if you died?"


j-"all of your family that we just talked about. they would take car of you."


c-"petra, someone will always take care of you. always."


p-"but what if the person taking care of me died, then no one would take care of me."


j-"that won't happen. and if it did, someone else would take care of you."


c-"petra look at my eyes please. someone will always take care of you. I promise. always. do you believe me?"


p-"but what if they are too busy to take care of me?"


j-"oh honey, they would not be too busy!"


c-"they would not be too busy petra. they would love to take care of you. do you trust me? do you believe me?"


p-" ... yeah. ..."


c-"petra look at my face."


p looks up


c-"most likely, we will not die. but if we do, someone will take care of you. someone will love you. always. I promise you. I promise. do you believe me? I promise. do you believe us?"


p-"yes." small smile.


j-"and petra guess what, mommy and daddy were married in the temple. we were sealed together as a family. we get to be together forever. we are a forever family. no matter what happens, we will be together again." 


p-"oh! okay. i'm still a little sad that you might died though."


c-" okay honey, but you don't have to worry. everything will be just fine. we will be fine. probably mommy and daddy will take care of you. forever and ever." smile.


p-"okay."


j and c look at each other. 

:: :: :: :: :: ::

c is satisfied with her response, but still has a knot in her stomach all day. she can't lie, and she can't shield. she and j can only love, and comfort. because she knows that she will die someday, and she doesn't know when. it's not all up to her. and while leaving her daughters would be devastating, death no longer makes her afraid. she has a friend on the inside. and the thought of seeing her again makes her very heart leap for the joy of it.