and where we go, we're up, we're down.

it's my sister's birthday next week. Ashley's birthday. she would have been 29. one year and one week and one day ago, a miracle happened. I remembered it was Ashley's birthday. I am really bad at remembering birthdays. it was evening, and I was chatting with our friend myke who was visiting, when I remembered, suddenly, that it was Ashley's birthday. by "suddenly," I mean it felt like the thought was shoved into the front of my mind demanding my attention. miracle. I checked the clock. It was 5:02. I thought she would be off work by then, so I should call now. normally I would think it rude to make a phone call in the middle of a conversation with a friend, but Ashley was hard to catch and I thought it might take me a couple of tries. so I excused myself and called. she picked up right away. "good timing" she said "I just got off work and I was switching my phone off of vibrate." miracle. I was glad. we chatted for almost an hour. again, normally I would find this poor etiquette with a guest waiting patiently in our tiny apartment, where he couldn't get away from hearing one end of a conversation, but I felt it was important. Ashley wasn't usually that chatty on the phone and I wanted to talk to her as much as I could. miracle. we discussed some personal things. but in the end it all came out to her saying she knew we all loved her, and me saying "we do. we love you no matter what." miracle. she then said she had to go, she had some birthday plans to attend to. I can't remember for sure, but I hope I said happy birthday and I hope I said I love you again. 

that was the last time I heard my sister's voice. she passed away less than a week later. 

I had sent her a birthday card earlier that week. my mother found it later, unopened, in her mail box. I am really glad I called. miracle.